Mother Nature

Oh, how I love spring weather. Mother Nature has been practicing for the show this evening. A wonderful symphony of sounds have entertained me and a thousand fingers of light have streaked the sky. Impressive to say the least. I spent a lot of time alone this evening on a dark country road just taking it all in. I love to watch the lightning light up the sky. Every now and then, I get lucky and am able to catch it on film. The weatherman forecasted this type of weather all day today and tomorrow. I hope he's right. I'll get another show tomorrow.

:)

A Funny

It was the first day of school and a new student named

Pedro Martinez, the son of a recently immigrated Mexican

restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American

history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his

hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said,

"Government of the people, by the people, for the people,

shall not perish from the earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!

Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its' history

than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the

teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit.

If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to

Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the

floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

I Implore Thee

Just a few requests...

1. If you are, hmm, plump(?), please do not wear low-riding jeans accompanied by a belly shirt. Do you think it's sexy to have your roll hanging out over your jeans? News flash: It's not. People are staring because they're scared your jean button is going to pop off and kill them not because they think you're hot.

2. If you are a stupid individual, please stay out of my space.

3. If you honestly don't know the difference between a predator fish and a community fish, please continue with your education. You need it.

4. If you are having pre-wedding jitters, please don't create a huge drama and cause your family days of anguish. Act like an adult with some sense of values and priorities. Sheesh.

5. If you are a bicyclist and are using the roads the cars use, please move to the side of the road so we can pass. We are traveling at a much higher rate of speed than you. Even if you pedal with all you've got, you're pissing us off because we can't pass.

The Fish

I recently acquired a new fish. It is a red headed jawfish. He spends most of his day in this hole patiently waiting for a morsel of food to flow by. That is the only time he comes out of his burrow. He built the burrow during the first 12 hours of being introduced to his new home. He moved sand and rocks until he was satisfied. The surrounding aquascaping was done by him as well. It is amazing to watch a fish that size - 4 inches long - move a rock almost as big as he. When threatened, he opens his mouth really big to scare off potential predators. (Hence the name jawfish) His mouth opens to the size of a quarter when provoked.

Red Headed Jawfish 

Spring has sprung

Here we are in the middle of Spring in wonderful Indiana. ;) That, of course, equals thousands of bugs. My personal favorites are the ones with large harpoons attached to their butts. Geez, Louise, could you keep that thing to yourself? I don't think my walking across the yard was reason enough to do that. OUCH!

Now, I am forced to retaliate. Out comes the bug killing granules and the hose to water it all in. One and a half hours later, I have secured the house and the surrounding area. I have cleaned all webs, cocoons, nests, and mystery bug items from the side of the house. I have hosed down all the areas where a creepy crawly might be. I have spread the bug-killing granules and put the appropriate amount of water on them. I am hot and sweaty but I am bug free. *sigh*

Time to relax on the porch for a moment. Drinking some coffee and enjoying a cigarette...

OUCH!

Book Meme

That Book Meme

You're stuck inside Farenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

(By the way, this means which book would I want to be in someone's memory, not which book do I want to be burning in the bowels of a roaring fire.)

The Lovely Bones... because it moved me.


Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Nope


The last book you bought is: The Curious Incident with the Dog in the Nighttime


The last book you read: Life Expectancy - Dean Koontz


What are you currently reading? Lucky - Alice Sebold, Blood and Gold - Anne Rice, The War of the Worlds - H.G. Wells, The Marine Aquariums Invertebrate Guide - Scott Michael



Five books you would take to a deserted island:

The War of the Worlds
The Lovely Bones
A mango, coconut, banana cookbook :)
Complete Book of Tales and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe
Grimm's Fairy Tales



End of meme.

---

I Hate Alabama: Part 2

After our outlandish time on the bridge, we were ready to go to sleep. We knew we were only a few miles from the hotel where we had reservations. Whew! We get to the Day's Inn only to be told that they have given our room away. They don't want to see any of the paperwork we have showing that we are supposed to have a room. They don't care if we have a confirmation number or not. They are full and refuse to honor our reservation. Remember that folks. So here we are dog tired and no where to sleep. Oh, did I mention it was Easter weekend and Spring Break for most people and every hotel within miles was booked? Ah, yes, indeed. We had to drive another 200 - count 'em 200 - miles to find a room somewhere. That ended up being at a state park in the middle of no where at 8:00 am. We had to check out at 11:00 am. They were kind enough to give us a late check-out time of 12:00 and a discount. So, I have learned not to book a room at the Day's Inn. I have also learned that I need to start driving to Florida via Georgia or Mississippi. LOL.

I Hate Alabama!

As you know, I went to Florida to visit my Mom and Dennis. I have much to report about the trip, but I want to start with the end. The return trip home...

Laurie and I get a late start leaving PCB. We drive through Florida with little trouble. All's well. Then we get into Alabama. That's when it starts going to Hell. First, an armadillo darts in front of the Jeep to show his dance moves. They are ugly creatures, aren't they? Alas, I was able to avoid hitting the little goofball. Second, here comes Peter Cottontail's son hopping into the road. Yes, I managed to not run him over as well. I told Laurie, "two for two, I'm getting lucky here". She suggested that perhaps with those words, I had just jinxed us. How right she was.

It is now about 4 am and we are traveling at about 75 - 80mph on Highway 65. We have seen so many deer on the side of the road that we are quite paranoid about hitting one. I have been driving in the fast lane to give myself a few extra seconds in case one bolts into the road. So, I am driving along when up comes a very large hill. For those of you that don't know it, I hate driving down large hills. We have traveled up the hill and are starting down the other side. I decide to get into the normal driving lane to continue down the hill. The Jeep lights are shining down the
hill not onto the bridge at the bottom.When we get to the bottom we are immediately on a bridge. Two seconds later the van in front of me careens to the right. All I see is a black thing with a little white speck by it. I assume it is a deer and prepare to veer to the right. Oh no! It's a black car that has been wrecked and a person standing in front of it waving his arms. It is taking up all the left lane and part of the right lane. I shoot to the right and miss him and his car by mere inches. I pull over to the "shoulder" of the bridge to offer him some help. Laurie is calling 911. Several other cars are coming down the hill and swerving around him in many near misses. I hear a terrible noise and look into the rear view mirror. A semi has locked his brakes and has begun to slide down the hill and jack knife. He can't stop in time. He annihilates the parked car and is headed our direction. I slap the Jeep into drive and peel out getting away from there. I pulled over again after getting away from the semi. I fear that the semi has just killed this boy. I couldn't see how he could get out of the way. As asked of us by the 911 operator, we go back to the wreck to see if there are any injuries that need an ambulance. When we get there, we see that where we had originally parked was nothing but wreckage of both the car and the semi. The driver of the car had somehow managed to get away from the semi and was unharmed other than being totally freaked out. He was quite young. The truck driver was also unharmed. When the truck jack-knifed it hit the car head-on and the the car got trapped between the cab and trailer of the truck. It looked like it was just churning it into pieces and I guess it was doing just that. The car-which was a lot larger when we first saw it - looked like a round ball. It was only about 3 feet by 2 feet. The trunk was gone as was the entire front up to the windshield. Only the seats remained and they were toast. The remaining pieces of the car were in an area about 80 feet long and the width of the two lanes of bridge. No piece was larger than a plate. Say your prayers, young man, you were saved today!

We asked the kid why he was standing in front of the car like that in the dark. (With a black shirt and jeans on). He said he was trying to make sure no one else got hurt. The trucker told him he was lucky he hadn't gotten killed. I also told him the same. Get away from the car! We also asked him what happened initially. He said he didn't know. So I suppose it's safe to say he fell asleep at the wheel and woke to hitting the side of the bridge.

Now, you may think that's the only nasty part of the trip. Oh, no. There's still more to come.

Interview This

Someone interviews me, I answer the questions on my blog, and then I offer to interview someone else (or several someones) and the process repeats. So, if you want to get interview questions from me, leave me a comment that reads "interview me" and I'll post your questions on my Blog. These questions were put to me by my favorite son-in-law, Drew.



Question #1: Judging by your movie and book collection, you seem to like a lot of science fiction and horror... how do you think this is affected your outlook on life today?

I have always enjoyed these types of books and movies. They are a nice fantasy away from the pressures of the real world. I realize that the true "boogeyman" is probably your next door neighbor not some freak being from space. I am not afraid of the dark as I know many people to be. I have no problems strolling around outside past sundown. You've been to the house; it's dark out there. So, to answer your question, I think it has affected me only in the way of seeing life for what it is and realizing that fantasy is just that. The true scary things in the world are the quiet guy down the street that ends up being a serial killer, not an alien from outer space.

Question #2: What kind of wisdom did you gain from raising Mrs. Spanky during her important teenage years?

I'm not sure the page is long enough for all the things I learned so I'll reflect on some of the most important things.

1. Never trust a quiet child.
2. A microwave cake can be an amazing gift.
3. Beef Manhattans are always a hit.
4. Unconditional love is only truly learned through a child.
5. A child's smile can make a bad day disappear.
6. Parenting is about letting your child do what you know can hurt them to let them grow, learn, and have fun. (sledding down a hill onto a home made ramp)
7. Never be to busy to play.
8. Always answer any question they have.
9. They are listening to you even when you think they're not.
10. There are many different types of screams. (hurt, excited, boy crazy)
11. Letting your child leave the house with friends - in a car - is the hardest thing you'll ever do.
12. Stuffed animals are forever.
13. Teenage hormones are vicious little beasts.
14. Running through the house can indeed break a toe.
15. Even Doctors are not allowed to hurt our children without consequences.


Question #3: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Underwater Photographer

Question #4: What's the funniest thing you've ever done while "under the influence"? Ever get your name tattooed on your arm?

I have been thinking quite some time about the name tattoo thing. ;) You think "Vicki" or "Victoria" would be best?

I guess the funniest thing I ever did was enter a dirty dance contest with a male friend of mine. The funny part is that we won. Remember, my Mom reads this. ha ha


Question #5: If you could change one law, what would it be?
After just being violated by a seat belt in my friends car, I would have to choose the mandatory seat belt law.

Bad Dogs

Yesterday, while driving to work, I noticed two dogs of medium size by the side of the road. They were lying in a field at the top of a ditch. Both of these pups looked like they had met their last day. They were forlornly looking into the ditch as if it were an insurmountable problem and they had just given up trying to jump across it. Both were wet, muddy and pitiful looking. One of them had what appeared to be blood all over one leg.

I am a sucker for a stray. Ask the herds of cats outside. And inside. Sheesh. So, anyway, I stop the car and try to get these dogs to jump across the ditch to me. No can do. They both just whimpered and looked into the ditch. I assumed there must be another dog in the ditch and that is why they continued to stay there. Silly me. I walk over to the ditch and look down in it. What did I see? A huge dead deer floating in the water. YUCK! I looked back up at these dogs and both were now standing up and wagging their tails. Then I saw that they both had on collars and while they were filthy, they seemed to be in good health. It turns out that the blood on the dog came from the deer. I won't go into detail on how I know that. YUCK! They continued to look at me and at the deer as if I was going to help them get it out of there. I don't freaking think so. I wished them luck and got back into my car and went to work.

Destination: Florida

The time has come once again for the annual sister trip to Florida. My sister and I have decided to travel to Panama City Beach to see our Mom and Steppop. In less than three weeks, we will be on our way. Why we have decided to travel at such a crazy time - spring break - is because my sister is now a teacher and that is her vacation time. (My sister is a teacher! How crazy is that?) Spring break in PCB is always interesting. It takes 3 days to get to the store. It usually takes about 5 minutes. Our intentions are to stay far away from the West end of the beach and hopefully most of the crazyness. We just want to relax. Ah....

I think we will have a wonderful time. Our parents have been planning the days for quite some time now. We are going to go surf fishing for Pompano. You catch these with a little crustacean called a sand flea. In reality, sand fleas are small squishy crabs. Apparently a mouthful of joy if you're a Pompano. We are also going to go deep-sea fishing. What we will catch out there is always a surprise. Last year it was Triggerfish, black grouper, redfish, and sea bass. This year, it looks to be spanish mackeral, redfish, and jacks. It all depends on the fish. We are going to go fishing on the pier at night for some interesting catches and perhaps back in the lagoon as well. Yep, gonna be doing a lot of fishing. With any luck ,we will be having a lot of fresh fish dinners. If not, we can always go to the pier and buy someone elses catch. ha ha.

We are also going to snorkel the days away. This is one of my favorite past times. Just on the other side of the jetties in St. Andrews Park, there are huge fish to see. I mean shark huge. The water there is very deep so the fish get a lot bigger and much more interesting. With any luck, I will find a few creatures to bring home for my aquariums. Last year, I found many hermit crabs, various snails, a purple urchin, 2 file fish, sand sifting clams, pink and yellow shrimp, bright yellow nudibranches and other large crabs. The large crabs, the shrimp and the nudibranches were all returned to the ocean. I didn't know enough about the shrimp to care for them and the nudibranches and the crabs are murderers of other things I already have at home. All that I brought home is still alive and doing well. The filefish are three times the size they were at capture. They are complete chow hounds. I hope to have some new creatures soon. Then I can bore everyone with new pictures. ;)

We will also be taking a boat to Shell Island. Yep, just shells and beach there. Still, a lot of interesting areas to go snorkeling. On one side of the island, there is a bunch of turtle grass in the shallows. Many a seahorse and pipefish can be found here. The other side of the island is mostly for swimmers with the exception of the jetties for snorkeling and swimming.

And if all this gets boring, I will be found lying on the beach reading a book. (With gobs of sunscreen.) Nothing like the sun baking your skin to a crisp to ruin your day. *Shudder* Stay tuned for further updates.

My Knight in Shining Blue Armor: NyQuil

I would like to take a moment to thank the makers of Nyquil. If it were possible, I do believe I would kiss them right on the mouth. I have been really sick for the last few days. Quite frankly, without the NyQuil, I am not sure I would have made it through. I followed a strict schedule the last three days. Get up (bad idea), do a shot of NyQuil, go back to bed. Nothing like the tasty green death flavor of NyQuil to get you going. or not. I have never found a medicine - a legal one anyway - that has the effect of NyQuil. I have a swig and then I am waking up many hours later. Still feel ill? Repeat step one until you are ready to face the light of day. Today, I woke up and didn't feel like that Boa Constrictor still had a death grip on my rib cage, the pesky little tickle in my throat is gone, the sadistic creature twirling my stomache around has stopped his lunacy, and I am not feeling like I am living in the hottest desert in the freaking world. So, thank you, NyQuil, for saving me one more time from actually having to suffer through a sickness rather than sleeping through it.

Million Dollar Baby

I recently went to the movies with my friend Karen. We saw a movie called "Million Dollar Baby". Now, let me first say that I have never been a Clint Eastwood fan. We decided to see this movie because it was nominated for Academy Awards. We typically go see the entire nominations list. Well, this movie was great. It's not a boxing movie, it's not a happy movie, it's not a sad movie, but it all three of those things. I don't want to say much about it so as not to ruin it for those who have not seen it. It was a Great movie. Did I already say that? Yes, I did. Go see it. I don't think you'll regret it.

Mississippi Squirrel Revival

I was recently sent an e-mail by my stepdad. It was a link to an old Ray Stevens song called Mississippi Squirrel Revival. It brought back a lot of memories of my childhood. I remember that song and several others by Ray Stevens that were played by my mom and dad. We laughed and laughed when those songs were played. Anyone remember The Streak? For those of you too young to remember it, I suggest you follow the link and listen to a very funny tune. For those of you that know it, follow the link for a trip down memory lane. Either way, I think you'll enjoy it. Especially those of us that know of another crazy squirrel. ;)


http://www.dreamcloud.net/dreamer/squirrel/squirrel.html

Peacock: Round Two

Another interesting move by the Mantis Shrimp. He is trying to "kill" the heater. He has punched it at least 200 times in the last day or so. Luckily, I did my homework on these critters before I brought him home. His heater is a Shatterproof model. Ha ha little shrimp.

Chocolats a L'eau-De-Vie De Vin

I recently received a box of chocolates from my dad. Being the chocolate addict that I am, I thought how wonderful a gift this was. On the box it says "Chocolats a L'eau-De-Vie De Vin" I thought nothing of this as I cannot read German. I took a piece out of the box and unwrapped it. Savoring the moment, briefly, I popped the piece of chocolate into my mouth. Delicious. Then, I bit down onto this tasty little morsel. !#*&!@#*&#^$%@$!@^!%#% Fire in my mouth. I can't breath. I can't talk. Tears start welling up in my eyes. What just happened, I wondered? I was enjoying a tasty treat and now, I feel as though I am going to pass out. I swallowed once, twice, three times. Whew, I can breath again. Still feeling the fire though. Had me a little shot of water and things started to improve. I felt as though I needed to know how this German phrase translates, yes? Let me tell ya. "Chocolats a L'eau-De-Vie De Vin" translates to Plain Chocolates filled with Brandy. Holy Crap, Fires of Hell, Are You Kidding Me?, Brandy. Wow. I'm off to try another piece. It can't be so bad the second time, ya think?

Photo by Jeff Rosenfeld 

Punk'd by the Peacock

I have recently acquired a new salt water creature called a Peacock Mantis Shrimp. I have been so fascinated by this animal that I wanted to share some of it's interesting behavior. I wanted to test this animals water temperature to ensure it was remaining constant. I put in a small floating type thermometer. It bobbed once, twice and then the most horrific noise. The little punk had smashed the thermometer to bits with one punch. I'm not sure who was more stunned. Me, because he smashed my brand new thermometer or him, because he wasn't going to get to eat his "kill". I spent a great deal of time digging glass shards out of the tank after that. I had to go buy these large tweezer looking things because I can't put my hand in the tank. He wasn't real pleased about having those in the tank either. We had to argue a bit about it, but after he whacked them a few times, he left me alone. I have listed a bit of information about him for those of you that care.


*They are found in tropical waters worldwide.
*They are carnivores and will eat just about anything and everything.
*They are experts at catching and killing prey, being very clever, stealthy hunters.
*They are masters at hiding.
*They are not related to shrimp, but are referred to as shrimp because of their front appendages and how they use them to capture food.
*They are called a "Mantis" Shrimp due to the fact they resemble the appearance and have the same hunting characteristics of a praying mantis insect.
*There are two hunting categories, the "spearers" and the "smashers". The "spearers" use their spear-like claw to silently stab soft tissued prey. The "smashers" use their forceful, club-like claw to hit, crack open or pulverize harder bodied prey. It is interesting that the power of the "smashers" appendage can produce a blow close to the power of a .22 caliber bullet and are notoriously known as "thumb splitters". I have the "smasher" type. It is rumored that because of the tremendous strength these animals have, they can crack aquarium glass.
*These animals are burrowers, and can create tubes or cavities in sand, rubble or mud.
*They will adapt to living in holes, cracks or crevices in rocks, and may take up residence in snail or hermit crab shells as well.
*They are solitary animals, and unless you have a VERY large tank, they should be kept alone.

*Mantis shrimp can grow up to about ten inches in length and are fast moving. They eat crabs, anemones, and fish, among other things, and if kept in an aquarium with other fish, they will eventually eat them all. They dig burrows and live in crevices in reefs and rocks.

Cool....:)

Visit

As most of you know, Drew and Stacey came for a visit this week. I worked most of the days they were here but we still managed a bit of time together to goof off. One of the most memorable things was the family party hosted by one of the Branson nieces. Pictures will be coming soon. There was indeed a houseful of Bransons. Most of which were singing Karaoke. Scary, I know. I thought it was nice that Stacey could see all of her family at once rather than running all over town trying to find everybody. It was also nice to have Drew in the middle of it all. I'd say he did quite well. No whimpering at all. Trust me, there are Kings that would run from a bunch of Bransons in the same room.

They brought two of their friends from New Orleans with them. Rob taught us a great deal about grace and balance. Unfortunately for Rob, it was what not to do in certain situations. Please do not dismount the front porch in this manner. Don't jump across a ditch with muddy water in it quite like this. And, please stay upright while exiting the shower. I was afraid he would go back to N.O. a broken mess. Alas, after he made it through day #1, he seemed to get his "sea" legs firmly under him. Angie put my cat Blossom under a spell. It was love at first sight. However, kitties aren't always good when they are feeling some love. Bad Kitty. Sorry, Angie. I just hope they had a nice time.

Drew did some funky crazy magic on the computer and now it is running much smoother. Thanks, Drew. I was pretty confident in my computer skills prior to seeing Drew whiz through things I didn't even know existed. He spent a lot of time fixing this heap. I can only say it would have taken me weeks to do all the things he did in a few hours. However, I have learned new things and will be able to do more now. I will catch up on all that e-mail now that it isn't such a pain in the butt to get on the internet. (Promise)

When you're swimming in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray. ;)